I would like to point out that this piece has nothing to do with neither Christmas nor the new year. With the exception of the previous statement, I would like to keep it that way.
Sometimes I feel like I’m the worst person on the planet. Like everyone else is a good person and I just suck at being part of the human race. Everyone seems to feel like it all means something, like it has importance. What is it that everyone else does that I don’t? Is it partying? Playing video games all the time? Working out? I don’t know. I just don’t seem to do whatever it is. Why does it mean anything to us? It probably has something to do with our investments in emotions and awareness.
Maybe I was made into a human to show me something. Emotion? Loss? Desire? Physical sensations? Visual perceptions? Scents and tastes? I feel like I’m going around with a hair tickling my back and I can’t find it to get rid of it. Why was I put in this place? Maybe I will never know the answer. Maybe no one will.
What’s the point of shaping others into how and who we want them to be? What is the point of any of it? I can’t even begin to imagine. Too many people are so consumed by the bullshit they carry with them. These people want everyone to believe what they believe. Anything else is blasphemy. But, seriously, fuck that. If everyone believed the exact same thing, Earth would be the worst place to be. People would probably die from the immense boredom blanketing the planet. Think about it. If the world was just a bunch of Jehovah Witnesses, or any organized religion, the human population would go absolutely nowhere. We might as well all be named Chip, dress exactly the same, and never ever be creative. I will admit that if everyone on the planet believed the same thing, and that thing was that everyone should believe exactly what they want to believe, then the world would be doing A-OK. Regardless, shaping others into your personal clones is not something I think is worthwhile.
Life is one big ass bitch. She loves to slap the shit out of you, pull your hair, claw at your face, and scream in the most blood curdling manner. Personally, life on Earth has not been the easiest life I can imagine for myself. There are probably some people out there who love their lives and never want them to end. I don’t know any of them, but it would be nice to know someone thinks it’s awesome here in existence. Maybe they can give me a few pointers on how to be as blissful as I would imagine they are.
Sometimes, I think I should be grateful to be alive and for the things I have in this life. Family, friends, a job, a place to live. That it is pathetic and undeniably selfish to reject all of that and wish ill upon any part of it. But, sometimes, I just don’t give a shit. Sometimes, I would rather just sit down somewhere and never talk to anyone ever again. Just sit there until I die or eternity passes by. Whichever comes first.