This week an interesting conversation between two people regarding drug testing. This is an actual exchange, the names have been redacted in where I saw them.
I think Bill Hicks said it best: “If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.”
From “Some douchbage at Company X Crapanese Medical Systems, Boston, Mass”
Dear Vendor X,
Thank you for your interest in doing business with Yoshida America! It is our policy to require all vendors coming on site to submit to urinalysis prior to conducting any business on site and/or any offsite work performed on our behalf.
Please be prepared for yourself, all of your employees, and any attending contractors or authorized agents to complete a supervised drug screening conducted in accordance with state and federal laws.
We thank you for your anticipated cooperation in this matter as maintaining a safe and secure workplace is vital to our employees – our most valued asset.
Site Security Specialist
Dated 10 days ago:
From: Mike Hunt
CC: VP of engineering, Special Imaging Devices Business Unit
Dear Security Dude of vague and pretentious title (change later when feeling less snarky),
I regret to inform you that our consulting firm is officially rescinding our bid for the advanced optical catheter imaging engine (bid #xyzwhocares).
Please be assured that we have nothing to hide. Our best engineers are all avid drug users and we believe that with proper guidance and safe drug use, the full creative potential of the human mind can be realized.
Your outdated thinking is unfortunate for both parties involved as I was very much looking forward to engaging my best and brightest with the best and brightest of your company. I should mention that in all the jobs we’ve been awarded and completed for Varian, JDS, Metaphase, and many other competitors of yours – this has never come up as an issue.
Our pride and practice is to reward individuals on how much they contribute to our business – not how closed their minds are to new experiences. Our people are also our most valuable asset, and apparently your employer believes my people are more valuable than yours as they were going to pay us to do what their army of drug free model citizens could not.
If your policy changes we will consider bidding on future projects.
Good luck ensuring the safety of your employees!
Staci J. Elaan
Mixed Signal ASIC/Electro-optics specialist.