I don’t believe I’ve introduced myself. My name is Shannon Doherty. Because this is my name, I have heard of the actress, also named, Shannen Doherty. Although she does not spell her name as I do, I cannot escape the lifetime of, “Hey 90210!” and “Did you know you’re named after an actress? You probably hear that all the time though.” YES I HAVE FUCKING HEARD ALL ABOUT IT FROM EVERYONE EVER. Bravo for recognizing there has been a broken record chained to my ankles and singing along with it anyway, you fuck. I always react to these remarks the same way, a short-lived half-assed laugh and a look of, “fuck not again” plastered on my face. On occasion I’ve expressed my distaste for the comments, but usually, I just let them come and go. I’ve noticed it’s a topic brought up with everyone I have ever met that knows my first and last name. Not quite what drives them so crazy that they just HAVE to bring it up before one of us dies. Just always happens.Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t have a problem with my name. It’s very symmetrical. Seven letters in my first and last name, five letters in my middle name. This isn’t a big deal, I just think it’s pretty cool. Alright, enough about the name. I like to think of myself as being a responsible, amusing, creative, prepared, and caring young woman. I believe others see me as a freakish, uninspiring, unattractive, shy, mangy girl. I wish these things to be untrue, but my securities lead me its think they are positively correct. Over the my years spent here on planet Earth, I have shed many of my securities. As a child, I never really enjoyed playing either other children. I would rather have walked along the edge of the playground and went on the swings than play a game of tag or pretend cheerleading. At parties my family went to I could be found tailing my sister or sitting with the adults. Other children didn’t usually appeal to me. Oddly enough I was always kissing other kids. Around the time I was in first grade I was always kissing boys and girls I thought of as friends. Later on I became embarrassed by this and my mom would scold me for it. I always had friends that weren’t really friends. You know, Your parents would make you handout or you’d only see them during school. Rarely have I ever considered anyone my real friend. My social skills seem to have been crippled. I’m not sure if I would rather have spent my life as a popular person contrary to my life so far as an outcast. I’d like to think this life I’d better. It enables me to weed out people who wouldn’t really give a shit about me if I had something to offer their social standards. Fuck that shit though. I would much rather be able to burp (which is a big thing for me if you know me), not wear a bra, not wear make-up, and say whatever I want around someone than worry about how other people will think I’m weird or gross for doing something they don’t like. Lame. Like I’ve said before, shut up bullshit.
On the topic of my family, I love ’em and I hate ’em. You feel me? I’m not really down with going in depth about it. Maybe another day, folks. I fucking love food. Because of this, I have developed some chub. I’m alright with the chub, but I am definitely going to start going to a gym so it doesn’t become much more than a bit of chub. Also, I can with movies all the time. I love them. I may not have seen many of the ones you have, but I’ve seen a shit load. From grime as fuck Cabin Fever 2 to the amazing Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I’ve seen scary, independent, funny, documentary, mockumentary, drama, gore, low-budget, Sci-fi, fantasy, war, biographical, and tons more. Lamest movie ever made? Knock Knock. What fucking nonsense was that? Don’t even watch it. If you have…why? Regardless, I’m pretty god damn awesome and now I’ve kinda, not really, introduced myself to you kind people.