A clouded confession
I have dreamt of this life. The dream might just have been how it came to be.
Is there a time where you feel the urge to get off the chariot you are riding? The chariot is always headed in one direction unless you come to a conscious stop and make an intended turn often into the unknown. A change takes a pause before a turn. There are blind turns but that is kind of a different story…
Every once in a while, I will feel the unsurprising familiarity of my very breathing self in the precisely given moment and how everything endearing to me feels snugly woven to what is true and awaits at Home. Home is where all Silence rings in harmony. Ask me where Home is, it is layers beneath Consciousness or, perhaps, above. I say beneath because it is probably something we need to dig up because what we generally ooze and mumble about can be rather topical. Yes, generally.
Often in my present life, I listen to mindless chatter. The biggest trail of imprint on me “that stuff” leaves is a weighty understanding of heavy feelings: depression, negativity, anger, discouragement, frustration, you get the picture. I also come face to face with resentment and how beastly yet useful it often seemed, key word being seemed. Bitterness is an old, dying habit like a camp site with months-old garbage a bear keeps on going back to just to nibble on remaining pieces of wrappers and plastic bags. So, it is really nothing that we might keep on going back to. The funny thing is that we do it subconsciously more than we do it consciously. After lessons of Understanding and Light, I understood that mindless chatter, mine or others’, is no more than a distraction after being identified as mindless. Mindless is useless.
Guilt is like a mental bind folder and it prevents you from carrying on and surviving your flawed decisions and being able to reap them as growth-promoting lessons. So, if guilt has followed you like a cloud does Eeyore, you can bet a happy million dollars that you will not see a blink of future even you are moving along in the illusory but rather solid existence of time. That is all I have to say about guilt.
The threaded mind can be rethreaded. The thing is that it needs to be unthreaded first. There are feelings words can never fix and for such circumstances, medicine lies in Silence. There is also a fine line between Truth and Obsession. Truth is what is and Obsession is the cloud that obstructs the mind from clarification. Be there a worthy reason for obsession, lies a stronger reason for a clean breeze on your face.
Experiment with emotion. Thrive on the visions emotions grant you. It is a form of education especially the ways you shall learn how to deal with them. Make your head bleed on a brick wall or go in a different direction. I reckon you get the gist’s fistful.
Go ahead and ask me for fiction.
Make me laugh.
Take me out for soft serve.
Remind me of the wonder there is riding in a convertible Chevrolet.
Show me the kid in me.
Stephanie Gasco loves country roads in Southern New Jersey because they always take her to her childhood sanctuary.