“Dad, we’re men. That means a few things – we like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do, and now that is all wrecked.”
A girl working at the Rite Aid in my neighborhood has a pretty bad acne problem. There’s no excuse for that. You work at Rite Aid. There are literally dozens of products there to help you clear up your complexion. Get on that. Don’t you want a role in my masturbatory fantasies like your attractively unhappy Indian co-worker? Well, while I’m buying the hand cream from aisle three, you should be buying the facial cleanser in aisle four.
I’ve noticed that I only voluntarily watch the news when I’m in a hotel room. I still haven’t quite figured out why. Maybe I need a vacation from my normal television viewing habits as well. But I normally hate watching the news. Weird.
This Tuesday (August 9th) is the anniversary of the dropping of the atomic bomb on the Japanese city of Nagasaki. The biggest tragedy of this is that now when people think of Nagasaki, all they think about is the atomic bomb. What has become forgotten is the song, ‘Nagasaki’, Gene Krupa’s classic scat masterpiece from the 1930’s. Take a listen, and tell me it’s not cooler than a 100,000 people being vaporized in an instant:
I recommend wearing a negative ion producing/magnetic field generating bracelet. There are a lot on the market nowadays, and they are becoming increasingly popular among professional athletes. It could be completely placebo-effect, but ever since I started wearing one regularly, I have found my level of anxiety decreasing over time. A large part of our current Earth changes has to do with magnetic fields getting out of whack, so you might as well start taking matters into your own hands.
Tiger Woods kind of seems like a dick to me. I don’t think I would enjoy hanging out with him.
Anyone who has ever thought that a woman eating a hot dog is sexy has obviously never seen Sonya Thomas eat a hot dog.
I strongly believe that if American voters were able to get an opportunity to truly learn who Ron Paul is and what he is all about, then he would have no problem becoming our next president. Unfortunately the media would never allow that to happen. The fix has always been in.
Overrated: Central Park
Underrated: City Hall Park
Rated Correctly: Washington Square Park
Boats and hoes!