All I see only looks the same / The picture is the frame
So where are we? Let’s get our bearings. It’s the early 21st century, planet Earth, itsthecrew.com. And this is my HACK. OK, got it. See, we’ve been offline for a while. The cause: procrastination. The delay: me. Actually, I took action 3 days after the site went down, as soon as I could afford hosting. The next 7 days have been an annoying series of troubleshooting phone calls and e-mails. I’ll spare you the details. I wish I could’ve spared myself the details. Life is easier when you don’t have to do it yourself but then how could you live with yourself?
Did I forget something? Oh, yeah, the little opener before the cover photo. How about…
Howdy Nootropics, welcome to the fifty-ninth new-trope-shtick of HACK. If you’ve made it this far, I double dog dare you to disturb the Universe. Hmm, maybe that would be good for the closer tagline…
So the site is finally back up. Just in time for me to not have anything ready to post here. See, while you’ve been ignoring the fact that you were ignoring us all along, I’ve still been writing. Oh, and going to see a Dr. Dog concert and Peter Gabriel concert exactly 24 hours apart from each other. That was quite cathartic.
So yeah, I’ve been writing Chapter 5 of my soon-to-be-posthumously published young adult sci-fi fantasy speculative remix novel: Time Warriors. Sounds pretty cool, right? IT IS, goddammit. And see, there’s a whole real world backstory of its origins. The characters are amalgamations of real and fictional characters. It references all the great movies and books from which I steal most of my ideas, so that the younger generation who understand what I’m writing will also be able to look up the others who made all this possible. It’s a simple story, first book in a series actually, if only because I could not possibly finish writing the entire story in one novel and expect to be alive and/or cognizant enough to then publish it.
I had already decided that no one was reading this HACK anyway, so I was going to use it as a platform for early drafts of chapters. The site going down just reinforced the need to get back to working on this project. I have very limited free time to write so if I’m wasting it with self-referential diary entries then I’m not actually writing this story that begs for my attention like a starving vagina.
Question of the Day: What do you feed a starving vagina?
So just because this site is back doesn’t mean I have to stop writing Chapter 5. And then Chapter 6 and so on. I’m going to try and focus my energy on this one thing and perhaps see it to completion. If I feel like writing about something else once in a while, I will.
But for now, Time Warriors. I’ll let that title sink in. Next week I’ll throw up Chapter 2, which is actually my first chapter, since it will be technically easier for me to write Chapter 1 after everything else is written.
So how should I do this? I guess it’s best to recap the story so far:
Time Warriors began when my best friend in 2nd grade John David Kowchak (that’s co-check) and I watched Terry Gilliam’s Time Bandits and pretended to be warriors falling through portals in time (like the midgets in the movie) into different dimensions. There was a bit of Dungeons & Dragons thrown in, truth be told.
I later expanded the Time Warriors concept by using our backyard at 42 Victory as a central headquarters for our gang. My office was in the garage. Becky was my secretary. Phil and Mike handled construction, building the fort in the far back yard. John and Andy were security guards and field agents. The garage detached from headquarters as a separate ship, ala Star Trek I suppose. Later on I threw in a Quantum Leap aspect to the whole thing. We even had a circular paved fire pit that looked like the Quantum Leap accelerator.
Me and my best friends Tim and Brian constructed actual Time Machines in Tim’s basement and had a series of legendary adventures that are now lost in a whorl of time.
In 6th grade I wrote (what seemed like) a long complicated fantasy story involving me, Tim and Brian. Somewhere in a notebook I have this story and will eventually scan it for posterity. This story is actually the early blueprint of what is now Time Warriors.
Finally, my archetype inspiration for the characters of Christian, Phil and Sebi are Wolfgang (River Phoenix), Darren, and Ben (Ethan Hawke) from the movie Explorers.
Throw all the above ingredients into my head, add a dash of Ghostbusters, and you’ve got Time Warriors.
Michelle became a female lead because I knew early on I needed a girl to balance it all out. In her character I intend to explore my own passions and prejudices regarding women, and learn something about my relationship with them by the way the three male characters relate to her differently. Michelle herself must overcome a moral crisis and overcome a latent fear from the past. This is the only way she will be able to grow spiritually.
Of the three “original” Time Warriors, the character I most relate to is Sebastian (Sebi.) That at least, should be obvious. I was friends with a Sebi in high school and I just like the name, Sebi. So anyway, spoiler, Sebi is actually of unknown alien origin. He has powers that manifest without his conscious control and this scares him. He’s also in love with Michelle.
Christian is the typical pent-up genius. He tends to think he’s better than everyone but he’s secretly afraid of failure. He has a detective’s powers of observation and a fool’s naievete. He produces working in the background or producing a situation rather than engaging direction with it. He will, like a fish, swim around obstacles rather than face them head on. He has a short temper when dealing with stupidity or foolishness. He constantly chastises Sebi for not thinking logically or rationally.
Phil is your Han Solo. There, I said it. He’s the guy who does the dirty work, the engineer who knows every nut and bolt. He says what he thinks and doesn’t care what others think about it. In a lot of ways, he’s as snobbish as Christian. He can often pre-judge others without actually getting to know them. Phil is blunt, wry, and sarcastic. He’s extremely loyal. He takes pride in his ability to incorporate Zen martial arts into his daily routine. He fears losing the ones he loves.
The Time Warriors are mere 5th graders in the planet Earth reality. They [redacted] the secret of converting fictional technology into actuality. So like, transporter technology from Star Trek, nonsensical hyperdrive capabilities from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, time travel abilities from Dr. Who or Quantum Leap, and so on. Then you also create new fictional technologies from your own imagination. They took all this information, borrowed and begat, and uploaded it onto something called Akashic Data Drives. A fiction cross between a hard drive and the Akashic Records. They store everything the Time Warriors have read, watched, imagined and experienced. Then, they can REMIX the information and enter NEW worlds. That’s just how they do.
Now, why the name Time Warriors? Surely, time has to have something to do with this, right? Well, kinda sorta. I’ll leave it at that. Let’s just start with a summary of the chapters that actually exist so far:
Like I said, there is no Chapter 1 yet. I can tell you that it takes place in a non a/c Catholic school classroom in June, during afternoon Math class. The Time Warriors are passing notes as the author describes the actions of various other students. Sr. Bernadette (a nun) is teaching Math and she of course has a role to play later. That’s one of the reasons why this chapter can’t be written till the end. I have to go in and drop the seeds that flower later on in the story.
It’s the end of the day, sweltering hot on the asphalt “playground” during gym class. A soccer ball slams into Sebi’s face because he wasn’t paying attention. Then giant fireballs start falling from the sky, killing the gym teacher and many children. The Catholic school and Church collapse and rubble is falling everywhere as a giant vortex opens from above. The portal begins to suck in everything including the students. As Phil and Christian are about to be sucked into the portal as well, Sebi appears in the Time Warriors ship ‘The Beacon’ and rescues them. Then he sees Michelle laying unconscious on the ground and risks all their lives to rescue her. After he pulls her onto the ship it is sucked through the portal.
Michelle wakes up and instinctively attacks Sebi. He finally coaxes her out onto the bridge of the ship, where she soon enters into a shouting match with Phil. Then she punches Phil and he falls to the ground. Christian and Sebi finally get them calmed down and they work out a plan to explore the moon that looks exactly like Earth’s moon.
They head down to the surface and travel for a while. They suddenly notice a mountain range that wasn’t there just a moment ago. As they’re walking and talking to each other an argument ensues between two of the characters and ends up with them all arguing with each other. They are suddenly attacked by [not telling.] After Christian saves them, they encounter a cave entrance that was not there before.
The cave has no cracks, hollow points or entrances in the walls. It only goes back a few feet. They decide to set camp for the night. While they’re sleeping they are bound, gagged and hooded by unknown people and thrown in separate pitch black cells. Each character is left alone with their own thoughts. Christian hatches a plan using his untested device The Surreal Calculator. As each person goes to sleep in their separate cell, they all will be able to communicate with each other in a shared dream. Sebi, Phil and Christian meet up in the dream and hatch a plan for escape. Michelle is not with them. In her dream, she is communicating with–DUH DUH DUH–the Antagonist!
I’ll hope you’ll play along for the next four weeks at least. Next week we start with Chapter 2.
Trust me, I know where all of this is going. That’s why I’m going to get it out of my head. For now though, I must get going.
All Heart, One Love, Welcome Back, Peace Out
Towel Boy triple dog dares you to disturb the Universe.