You just need to breathe.
I feel like I tell myself that more often everyday. Stress is something that I pile on myself without fail. I used to love my job, life, and people. Now I feel the weight of them with every step I take. They become such great burdens that make me feel as though I’m standing still.
I’m in the left turn only lane on my way to work. It’s the last light left before I make my u-turn and turn right into Staples. My brakes aren’t that trustworthy and start to go into their Titanic routine. The car begins to creak like an old ship. It lurches forward with my foot on the brake. I slip into traffic and the iceberg has friends. They’re all moving 40mph. There’s an abrupt band of horns and screams. A massive traffic jam is caused by the multi-car pile up. This is something I think of often at this particular light. Fuck Staples.
I used to love my job. I love creating things. I like feeling appreciated for the work I do. Working with people who don’t care and don’t know what they’re doing is killing me. I’m sure many of you have experienced this nightmare. Self-employment sounds better and better everyday.
Everything can feel like an army surrounding you at times and it can get way too overwhelming. Sometimes you just have to remind yourself to take a breath and take time for yourself. (I’m hoping that writing this will help remind me to do this too).
I have taken the time and put aside some money to shop for myself. I bought an interview outfit in hopes that I’ll look for a new job soon. I thoroughly enjoy spending time on myself. I haven’t read anything or made anything in such a long time. My life has become sleeping, eating, driving, working, and watching movies. I think this coming year at Dutchess Community College will help me get back into the groove of doing things for myself.
I think tomorrow will be a better day.