I have determined that I am in a creative stalemate.
I have not painted, sculpted, drawn, or done anything to further my artistic inclinations. The more I don’t do these things, the less I feel like doing them. Or I feel a burst of inspiration when I can’t do anything about it. My dreams haven’t even been too inspiring lately.
It has really been bothering me how little I do and yet I always feel busy. I need to do what’s good for me and my future. I need to workout and play with my art shit. I know ITC has really been noticing my lacking. The gaps I leave in my wake are really just a physical representation of how my entire life has been orchestrating lately.
I am probably spiraling without my own permission. Like I’m going behind my own back just to wind up in the same spot with no further accomplishments.
I’ve decided to make a plan. I specialize in plans. The plan will be a list of requirements that I will strive to accomplish each day. It always helps to have someone else follow through with you. To have the voice other than your own that says GET THE FUCK UP. Your own voice always has the strength of a butterfly compared to the body builder voice of an outsider. The voice in my head always says things that sound great. But then it thinks about it a little more and is like..yeah nah that doesn’t sound like sleeping or eating.
Damn I really have spiraled into a mess. Well Shannon, tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow you can watch what you eat and workout and paint a little something. But tomorrow never comes. You can’t live outside of the present. So you have to pick your breasts up off the floor and get your ass out of bed and fucking take it on. Fuck Staples, fuck back pain, fuck lack of motivation. Just fucking do it.