Events have overtaken me. No new piece this week. Here’s one worth seeing again from a few years back:
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Posts in category I Don’t Belong Here
I Don’t Belong Here: Liberals Saved My Life
I Don’t Belong Here: Same-Sex Marriage? More Like LAME-Sex Marriage!
I’m just going to put this one up in the air, because I guess someone has to. There is no legitimate argument against same-sex marriage. None! Or rather, put more accurately, any legitimate argument against same-sex marriage is also an argument against marriage itself in general. That’s the shape of it. I’d rather be talking about Batman villains right now, but there we are. What? You’re confused? Oh, no, I didn’t say there weren’t any arguments against same-sex marriage, just that they’re all stupid and wrong! Let’s run down some of them so I can underline this point.
I Don’t Belong Here: Building A Batman Villain
Part two of my loosely organized and ongoing look at Batman’s villains:
Without a doubt Batman has the best villains of any superhero. Who else even comes close? Spider-Man might come second but it’s still not close. And everyone else is a bunch of scrubs. It’s Batman, hands down. In the course of this research, I started to discern some interesting patterns and themes in the set of Batman villains. READ MORE »
I Don’t Belong Here: Batman Villains I’d Like To See More Of
I don’t think it’s a big secret that I love Batman. True story: between the ages of say 15 and say 25, Batman was a recurring character in my dreams. To say I have something of an obsession with Batman is an understatement. And yet, almost fantastically, I have never really written about Batman. Ever. And I think that I would like that to change. So this week, Ten Batman Villains I Would Like To See More Of: READ MORE »
I Don’t Belong Here: Marriage Is For Tools
Marriage is for tools. Now wait, before the irrational reptilian part of your brain begins to immediately object. Let me explain. I do not mean to imply that if you are married, you are a tool. I am actually trying to directly come and state it. That marriage is for tools. You tool. Okay. NOW feel free for your reptilian emotional response. I’m just saying, I’m not drinking the Kool-Aid on this one, gang. Inflammatory remarks aside, marriage is an antiquated social institution that dates back to the days when human beings were considered property. Like? SLAVERY. Just. Saying. People aren’t property. Humans have invented all sorts of new meanings for marriage on a semantic and social level, but at the underlying core it is still about property. At least that’s how I see it through the lens of my outsider logic.
I Don’t Belong Here: Bullet Points
If I should die tomorrow, or for that matter any day after today, or if you’re reading this 100 years from now and so I’m probably dead at this point — regardless, when I am gone, I hope that I am remembered for more than just “HE RUINED MY LIFE” (which I didn’t) or “HE FUCKED MY GIRLFRIEND” (which I probably did — sorry). I would want to be remembered for more than the time I was a toddler and my mother found me dancing in the toilet in sleeper pajamas. As someone that has lived his life on an almost purely cerebral level, I would rather be remembered for the ideas I have created and or added to and or spread around. Long-time readers (all five of you) and people that have read my books (which might raise the number to eight) will be familiar with most of the points I keep bringing up again and again. For everyone else, if I die tomorrow, here’s some bullet points for you to consider:
I Don’t Belong Here: Good Friday
Today is Good Friday. Unless you’re a particularly religious person, it’s probably not a really important holiday to you. Unlike Christmas which celebrates Jesus’s birth and Easter which celebrates his resurrection, Good Friday never really became a massive commercial secular success. Fifth-rate Catholic holidays like St. Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day have had much more luck crossing over into the mainstream. And why? I don’t know, but I suspect that it is because the holiday commemorating Jesus’s death isn’t one that people want to be reminded of. Unlike shopping, candy, unhealthy emotional attachments and binge drinking, the grisly execution of the savior is certainly not a cause the people want to be encouraged to spend money over:
V/O: Come on down to Crazy Gerard’s Hardware Outlet for our Good Friday sale! All lumber and nails, 25% off!
JESUS, ON CROSS: These savings…. are killing me!
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I Don’t Belong Here: Atheism Is Not A Religion
I recently read this fascinating article by Kennedy on why Atheism Is A Religion. Not fascinating because of the contents, per se, just fascinating because I had no idea Kennedy still existed after say 1996. I mean I know obviously she must have continued to exist. I just never really thought about it. It’s surreal. I feel like next I will be reading an article by Matt Pinfield about Integral Spirituality.
Anyway, the article. I provided a clickable link so you can read the article yourself. I’m not really going to summarize it. I’m not Reader’s Digest. Motherfuckers. Go read it so I can tell you why it’s completely wrong. Take your time, I’ll be here. READ MORE »
I Don’t Belong Here: How To Kill George Zimmerman (2012 So Far)
Let’s talk a little about where society seems to be at right now. It’s only 9 months away from 12-21-12… and whatever is supposed to happen, there’s no sign of it coming yet.
Not pictured: A human being
Speaking of nine month periods of time, that reminds me about something I keep wanting to talk about. The whole idea of passing a law declaring that life begins at conception instead of at birth. They want to do this, I believe, because if human life begins when the sperm collides with the egg, then abortion is murder and must be criminalized. I don’t even want to talk about how this is obviously a huge gray area because while there is nothing remotely human about a freshly-fertilized egg other than its DNA and its potential, it clearly has become a human being by the time its born. But laws don’t allow for gray area. That’s why they’re called laws. And that’s not even what I want to talk about. READ MORE »
I Don’t Belong Here: Fuck St. Patrick’s Day
You know what? St. Patrick wasn’t even Irish. He was something else that I am too lazy to look up (or not — he was Welsh) and was taken from his family by marauding hordes of Irishmen. Whether they were painted green history doesn’t record but they were probably as drunk as the marauding hordes of assholes getting all puffed up because it’s getting to be St. Patrick’s Day. You know what really pisses me off? When someone says “On St. Patrick’s Day, everyone’s Irish!” What an arrogant and presumptuous statement. What other holiday has the balls to be so culturally insensitive? Can you imagine it elsewhere? “On Yom Kippur, everyone’s Jewish!” “On Earth Day, everyone’s a hippie!” “On Nasmas, everyone loves Illmatic!” Name one other cultural group that gets a special parade for their holiday.
"Don't look at me! I have nothing to do with this lame-ass holiday!"
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