I’m just going to put this one up in the air, because I guess someone has to. There is no legitimate argument against same-sex marriage. None! Or rather, put more accurately, any legitimate argument against same-sex marriage is also an argument against marriage itself in general. That’s the shape of it. I’d rather be talking about Batman villains right now, but there we are. What? You’re confused? Oh, no, I didn’t say there weren’t any arguments against same-sex marriage, just that they’re all stupid and wrong! Let’s run down some of them so I can underline this point.
Posts in category Hate
I Don’t Belong Here: Same-Sex Marriage? More Like LAME-Sex Marriage!
I Don’t Belong Here: Marriage Is For Tools
Marriage is for tools. Now wait, before the irrational reptilian part of your brain begins to immediately object. Let me explain. I do not mean to imply that if you are married, you are a tool. I am actually trying to directly come and state it. That marriage is for tools. You tool. Okay. NOW feel free for your reptilian emotional response. I’m just saying, I’m not drinking the Kool-Aid on this one, gang. Inflammatory remarks aside, marriage is an antiquated social institution that dates back to the days when human beings were considered property. Like? SLAVERY. Just. Saying. People aren’t property. Humans have invented all sorts of new meanings for marriage on a semantic and social level, but at the underlying core it is still about property. At least that’s how I see it through the lens of my outsider logic.
Letters From God: Dear United States Of America
Dear United States of America,
I have to tell you, I’m tired of your shit. I mean, I know I haven’t exactly been around in a while and you’re clearly throwing a fit. But, come on. I’ve obviously moved on. You think I’m proud of humans? Sheesh. Worst idea ever. I definitely learned my lesson. Not that you guys are all bad, but I won’t be making anymore nah mean? READ MORE »
Letters From God: Jonah And The Really Big Smelly Fish
The use of The Holy Bible as a reference is absurd. I can rely on The Diary of Anne Frank more than The Holy Bible. At least her diary is a first person account of someone who had been labeled and ended up being sacrificed. The Holy Bible isn’t even Jesus writing anything down or a scribe documenting his life and the important lessons he wanted to teach. It’s a bunch of stories, lineage, and rules. Why should this compilation of SOME guys’ stories (not even all of them) form the basis of peoples’ beliefs? READ MORE »
HACK № 35: The Hunger Lames
Howdy Contestants, welcome to the thirty-fifth reality show of HACK. If you’ve made it this far, remember that this game is to the death.
So this week I’m going into full hypocrite mode. I haven’t read The Hunger Games, haven’t seen the movie, and I don’t plan to anytime soon. Therefore, I’m about to hate on something that I know very little about except for the synopsis.
If you’re one of those people who is all wet in the ass over the books and movie, you’re probably gearing up to hate on my hate and tell me why I don’t know what I’m talking about and that The Hunger Games is really good. And therein lies the rub. I believe you. It’s not The Hunger Games I have a problem with, per se, it’s YOU. READ MORE »
Letters From God: I Pretty Much Suck
Hello, once again we find ourselves here at It’s The Crew. I had no idea what I was going to write about this week until about…2 minutes ago? Which, I suppose, doesn’t matter to you because this piece will have been written one way or another and you are reading this whether you like it or not. READ MORE »
I Don’t Belong Here: How To Kill George Zimmerman (2012 So Far)
Let’s talk a little about where society seems to be at right now. It’s only 9 months away from 12-21-12… and whatever is supposed to happen, there’s no sign of it coming yet.
Not pictured: A human being
Speaking of nine month periods of time, that reminds me about something I keep wanting to talk about. The whole idea of passing a law declaring that life begins at conception instead of at birth. They want to do this, I believe, because if human life begins when the sperm collides with the egg, then abortion is murder and must be criminalized. I don’t even want to talk about how this is obviously a huge gray area because while there is nothing remotely human about a freshly-fertilized egg other than its DNA and its potential, it clearly has become a human being by the time its born. But laws don’t allow for gray area. That’s why they’re called laws. And that’s not even what I want to talk about. READ MORE »
I Don’t Belong Here: Fuck St. Patrick’s Day
You know what? St. Patrick wasn’t even Irish. He was something else that I am too lazy to look up (or not — he was Welsh) and was taken from his family by marauding hordes of Irishmen. Whether they were painted green history doesn’t record but they were probably as drunk as the marauding hordes of assholes getting all puffed up because it’s getting to be St. Patrick’s Day. You know what really pisses me off? When someone says “On St. Patrick’s Day, everyone’s Irish!” What an arrogant and presumptuous statement. What other holiday has the balls to be so culturally insensitive? Can you imagine it elsewhere? “On Yom Kippur, everyone’s Jewish!” “On Earth Day, everyone’s a hippie!” “On Nasmas, everyone loves Illmatic!” Name one other cultural group that gets a special parade for their holiday.
"Don't look at me! I have nothing to do with this lame-ass holiday!"
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