Well it’s October again. Which means, like every year, that it’s time for BREAST CANCER AWARENESS FEVER! Pinktober, y’all! Buy special pink versions of household products and GIVE TO THE CURE. And, it’s October again, so it’s time again for me to be the lone voice from the wilderness reminding everyone that other cancers exist, and it’s a little ridiculous how much hype breast cancer gets. It’s not the most deadly. It’s not the most common. It’s not the hardest to treat. It’s not even the only one with a special “awareness month.” And yet, Breast Cancer Awareness Month (which for retailers seems to run between September and November, if not just year-round) just keeps getting bigger and bigger every year.
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Posts in category Current Events
I Don’t Belong Here: Fuck Pinktober
HACK № 58: Bromidic
Bromidic
You can’t find a moment alone. No matter where you go they find you. Cameras and eyes. Try to disappear and you sacrifice more than should be necessary. Privacy is no longer a right, it’s a luxury. Can you afford to avoid the dynamic shift in consciousness occurring all around you, throughout this entire planet?
I know it hurts. READ MORE »
I Don’t Belong Here: Scorn And Condemnation
I saw the dumbest thing today. This guy on some message board — and yes, I realize I deserve what I get looking into THAT whorehouse of unfettered opinion — was talking about how like Barack Obama was the enemy of human freedom. That’s not the dumb part. Well, not the dumbest part. The dumbest was when the guy said, “I’ll take freedom over social equality. Freedom is what this country was built on” or words to that effect. And I was like, stop the beat, stop the beat. Freedom over social equality? What’s the difference? READ MORE »
HACK № 49: Freedom Is The Write
Howdy Patriots, welcome to the forty-ninth declaration of HACK. If you’ve made it this far, it takes a strong constitution to swallow the American Dream.
Patriotism Is Lame
Fuck Independence Day. Not the movie Independence Day. That movie’s pretty good, I’m watching it right now. I don’t even mean Fuck Independence Day as in I don’t care about history or the fact that the Declaration of Independence was a unique document formed around ideas that evolved us a species. I just mean–it was a long time ago. Where’s the holiday for the writing of the Tao Te Ching? Or let’s celebrate The Council of Trent when the grand ‘ol Catholic Church decided what books would stay in the Bible and which ones would go? Looking for something more American? How about we have a holiday celebrating the signing of the Patriot Act? We can celebrate the time we used our freedom to give our government the “right” to take away our own freedoms. READ MORE »
HACK № 46: Unions of Opposites
Howdy Laborers, welcome to the forty-sixth organized protest of HACK. If you’ve made it this far, I’m looking for a friend with benefits.
First of all, I really could care less about all this temporal human nonsense. My knowledge on this very subject is scant at best, so don’t expect a lot of detail or corroborating “facts.” Hell, I never even read The Jungle when it was required in high school.
Anyway, unions. As I understand it, we created unions as a defensive reaction against oppressive corporate entities that demanded exorbitant labor from their employees without giving them any basic human benefits. Unions became our protection from the unstoppable force of centralized human greed. And they did great things: fair wages, reasonable working hours, safety regulations, health and retirement benefits, etc. READ MORE »
HACK № 42: The Weaning of Life
Howdy Meltedcheesedeks, welcome to the forty-second continuation of HACK. If you’ve made it this far, there’s a silver lining just over that horizon behind you.
OK folks, here’s how this is going to play out. First I write a few self-referential paragraphs to get it out of my system, while simultaneously holding everything else in. Next, a nice little story about Vineland, NJ to help us forget that any of this is (not) real. Finally, a bunch of unrelated, recently taken pictures. If we have a deal, you may read on… READ MORE »
I Don’t Belong Here: Same-Sex Marriage? More Like LAME-Sex Marriage!
I’m just going to put this one up in the air, because I guess someone has to. There is no legitimate argument against same-sex marriage. None! Or rather, put more accurately, any legitimate argument against same-sex marriage is also an argument against marriage itself in general. That’s the shape of it. I’d rather be talking about Batman villains right now, but there we are. What? You’re confused? Oh, no, I didn’t say there weren’t any arguments against same-sex marriage, just that they’re all stupid and wrong! Let’s run down some of them so I can underline this point.
HACK № 35: The Hunger Lames
Howdy Contestants, welcome to the thirty-fifth reality show of HACK. If you’ve made it this far, remember that this game is to the death.
So this week I’m going into full hypocrite mode. I haven’t read The Hunger Games, haven’t seen the movie, and I don’t plan to anytime soon. Therefore, I’m about to hate on something that I know very little about except for the synopsis.
If you’re one of those people who is all wet in the ass over the books and movie, you’re probably gearing up to hate on my hate and tell me why I don’t know what I’m talking about and that The Hunger Games is really good. And therein lies the rub. I believe you. It’s not The Hunger Games I have a problem with, per se, it’s YOU. READ MORE »
I Don’t Belong Here: How To Kill George Zimmerman (2012 So Far)
Let’s talk a little about where society seems to be at right now. It’s only 9 months away from 12-21-12… and whatever is supposed to happen, there’s no sign of it coming yet.
Not pictured: A human being
Speaking of nine month periods of time, that reminds me about something I keep wanting to talk about. The whole idea of passing a law declaring that life begins at conception instead of at birth. They want to do this, I believe, because if human life begins when the sperm collides with the egg, then abortion is murder and must be criminalized. I don’t even want to talk about how this is obviously a huge gray area because while there is nothing remotely human about a freshly-fertilized egg other than its DNA and its potential, it clearly has become a human being by the time its born. But laws don’t allow for gray area. That’s why they’re called laws. And that’s not even what I want to talk about. READ MORE »
I Don’t Belong Here: This Is Not Enough
Francis Fukuyama wrote this pretty famous essay in 1989, The End Of History, later expanded into book form in 1992. The fall of the Berlin Wall had just happened, and with it the decades-long Cold War started to finally evaporate like the bad dream it was. Fukuyama argued that this end of the Cold War was not just any other old event in mankind’s history, but rather the end of history itself. That mankind had, with the victory of Western liberal democracy over the Evil Empire of communism, achieved the final point of human society and government. Western. Liberal. Democracy. In other words, Fukuyama looked around the world he lived in — in 1989, no less — and said “Yep, this is it! We’ve done it! It can’t get any better than this!”
And boy oh boy, I couldn’t possibly disagree more. READ MORE »
HACK № 30: Lowdown and Soul Dirty
Howdy Hierophants, welcome to the thirtieth rendition of HACK. If you’ve made it this far, quit your whining. I’ll do more than enough for the both of us.
This week it’s the night before this week’s piece is due and I decided to just give it to you all in one short 4 hour burst. I’m leaving nothing out because, guess what? I turn 34 in a few days and I can assure you that I am now too old to give a shit. About what, exactly? Exactly! I don’t give a shit! But in case you’re in a hurry here’s a handy table of contents:
Part 1: Self-Referential Whiny Stuff Written in Second Person Narrative
Part 2: A Brief Pause
Part 3: A Dirty Joke and A Stolen Line
Part 4: Gov. Chris Christie, The United States Flag, Whitney Houston
Part 5: Telepathic Communication With Towel Boy
Part 6: Black History Month
Part 7: Stars Are Cool
Part 8: Closing Remarks
Part 9: Week Links (Bill Hicks, Dyce the P, Chris Christie, Star Size Comparison
Here we go!
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Letters From God: Blogish
So, I know you all dying to know what is new in the life of Shannon Doherty. Well, my dear, you are about to find out.
It is very late at night and I am rushing to do this (as always, unfortunately) and I should be sleeping. My love for my friends I do this with and the two other people reading this is stronger than my will to sleep. Fueled by this love, I will write this piece tonight if it kills me. READ MORE »